Found on the Best of Craigslist:
Posted on Diablo Cody's twitter-
CAT FOUND!
Date: 2008-11-29, 9:25PM EST
I found this guy the other day on my back porch. I tried feeding him and it turns out that he is not very friendly because i think he may be scared. Not quite sure the breed but I am assuming he is part Siamese. I have him in a crate because he is not really house broken. If he is yours please reply.
I laughed at this one for about an hour. And then again when I went to the bathroom.
I wanted to talk to you, but I had to take a shit - m4w
Date: 2009-02-26, 9:06PM EST
Have you ever been just minding your own business, when all of a sudden, you realize that you have to take a shit really bad? Well that's what happened to me this morning.
It was around 8 AM today (Thursday) when I was sitting on Metro North and got that horrible feeling. I wasn't even sure I'd make it to Grand Central. Unfortunately, taking a shit on the train was out of the question. Have you ever seen a Metro North bathroom? My only choice was to sit there an pretend nothing was a matter.
After what felt like an eternity, I finally arrived at Grand Central. I made my way to the front of the train so I wouldn't have to deal with all the people on the platform when I got off. It was at this time that I realized that taking a shit in Grand Central was also out of the question. I think there is probably about a 75% chance that you'll get hepatitis if you try to take a shit in Grand Central. My only choice was to try to make it to my luxury Chelsea office where we actually have sanitary bathrooms.
Now it's probably about 8:10. As I'm running down the stairs into the subway, I notice the downtown 4-5-6 platform is exceptionally crowded. The conductor of the 5 train announces that the 5 train is out of service, and all passengers must leave the train. It must be Murphy's Law in action.
I walked across the platform to get on the downtown 6 train when I saw you standing next to me. You were probably about average height for a girl, brown hair, black or dark blue jacket, green skirt, brown boots, and a great smile.
ON ANY OTHER DAY, I would have swept you off your feet. If you were to ask any of my girlfriends in the last few years, they would probably tell you that I just came up to them on the street, in a book store, in the subway, etc, and said, "Hi," before proceding to charm the a smile out of them. But today was not my day. There was no way I could have confidently talked to you while at the same time pretending nothing was wrong with my bowels.
Anyway, we both got on a very crowded 6 train. I was holding on to the pole for dear life, and you were holding on to the same pole standing across from me. I'm 5'11", brown hair, athletic build, and I was wearing jeans, a blueish t-shirt, and a black jacket. I think you got off at 28th St, but I was in no state of mind to keep track. It could have been 33rd or 23rd.
When I finally reached my office, I ran up 4 flights of stairs (because I couldn't wait for the elevator) and made a beeline to the bathroom, unzipping my pants as I opened the door. I swear, if I had been delayed by even a second because I tried to get your number in the subway, I would have had to call someone to bring my some new clothes. I barely had my pants down when it forced itself out. I ended up using entire industrial sized roll of toilet paper. You have no idea how raw my ass felt after using that much 1-ply sandpaper-toilet paper. I think the toilet itself is in therapy now.
***Summary***
You:
Took downtown 6 from Grand Central
Brown hair
Black (or other dark color) jacket
Green skirt
Brown boots
Me:
5'11"
Athletic build
Dark blue jeans
Blueish t-shirt
Black jacket
Normally extremely confident
Fears public bathrooms
I just like this one -
The Streaker Tripper - m4w
Date: 2009-03-01, 3:26AM EST
I was streaking through the Diag Friday night at 2:15 am. Coming around the corner of State and Liberty, fast as a naked blur, I bumped into you and we both fell to the ground. I was a little upset with you at first, cuz I scratched my right butt cheek pretty bad, but I knew it was my fault. You said, "Nice New Balances," And all I could say was, "Thanks," with the adrenaline still rushing. In less awkward circumstances, I would have liked to talk to you. I had never run into a girl that fast or naked before... I didn't know how to respond so I helped you up quickly and kept running. Since my friends paid me $100 for making it to Kerrytown with just my socks, shoes, and a big smile, I'd like to take you on a date. You looked pretty fit so maybe you'd like to go for a run sometime. Hit me up! Bye!
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